Smilestones

Time to pick up where I left off.

  It was shortly before six in the evening when I approached the Forest Service road.  I'd hiked about 600 miles so far and had been enjoying revisiting terrain that I had first seen last summer on my first attempt on the Pacific Crest Trail.  I had endured the heat and winds of the Mojave desert (again), climbed Mt. Whitney and all the high passes of the Sierra Nevadas (again) and made it back to this one road.  I had reminisced about old campsites, remembered difficult climbs, recalled terrain that lay ahead of me for the day and it all led me back to this one road.  I'd anticipated the road, looked forward to what it meant for me.  What I hadn't anticipated was my reaction when I got to the road.
  I moved energetically to the crest of the ridge, where the road was, and saw the sign.  It was a standard Forest Service sign marking a trail head, but this was Barker Pass and it also marked the place on the trail where I'd had to limp off the trail for good last summer.  It is mile 1,126 on the PCT and as I approached the sign I suddenly felt so much emotion boiling up in me that I hadn't realized was in me.  I knew that I was excited to see new stretches of trail, but the reality of stepping onto that road had me feeling like I had come full circle. There was not one part of me last year that believed that I was off the trail permanently when I decided I needed to rest my body.  I thought I'd rest for a few days, maybe a week, and would be merrily resume my hike to the Canadian border.  I thought I'd see that Forest Service road much sooner that one full year. And so, when I finally stepped in front of the big sign just shy of a year later I stood below it, wide-eyed and full of awe that I was finally indeed back where I'd left, and whooped and hollered with joy.  At the same time unexpected tears sprang from the corners of my eyes.  I mourned for the sad, limping girl of last summer, for a dream delayed, for the miracle of healing, for the support and understanding I've had along the way, for being hard-headed and dedicated enough to come back and make this happen.  I realized that I'm so happy I hiked back to that spot rather than just picking up where I'd left off;  the new steps I was about to take meant so much more because I'd retraced my path to get there.  I felt like I'd earned the unknown. The tears were brief and my smile was huge.  My hiking partner, Siesta, came to the road shortly thereafter and I said to her, "Ask me where the next campsite is." She did so.  I smiled and replied, "I DON'T KNOW!! I'VE NEVER BEEN BEYOND HERE!" All the steps past Barker Pass have been wonderful and unknown.
  The next milestone for me was crossing the midpoint mark of the trail.  This is in northern California and unbelievable that I've come so far (1,330 miles)....and have the same amount of miles yet to hike.  Yikes! But just knowing that I'm closer to Canada than Mexico is very exciting.  Closer to poutine than ceviche. Closer to "ay" than "aye aye aye!" Plus, it should be all downhill from there, right?
  Now I'm in Etna, California (PCT mile 1,606) only one town stop away from the Oregon border.  There are a lot of hikers here right now and the general feeling is weary.  People have been pushing big miles on the relatively "easy" terrain, it has been very hot (95-100 degrees around Hat Creek Rim), and California is one long freakin' state.  Crossing into Oregon will be an inspiration and energy change for everyone.  There will also be less than 1,000 miles left to the Canadian border! Triple digits! They will practically walk themselves! Well....
 Today I'm enjoying my first full day off since South Lake Tahoe.  My body is tired and thankful for the rest! My hooves are kicked up. My hiker hunger is in full swing and I definitely had a milkshake with breakfast. Only the first of the day, mind you.  I'm grateful for the milestones I've celebrated along the way and look forward to those to come.  I also look forward to my next milkshake.